State of the Author: Still Struggling a Bit

Hello, friends. I wanted to let you know that I’m still here, and doing a bit better. It’s still a difficult time, as reflected in the silence of my blog … between huge veterinary bills and so on, well, it’s just not easy.

But … but.

I have been working on things little by little, and my home environment is a bit better. I’m cutting things out that I would previously have forced myself to do (I found myself not really wanting to attend a play yesterday — it was part of my theatre season, and I would otherwise not have gone — so we didn’t go).

We’re making plans to do something fun once a month that requires us to leave the house. I’m going to Scotland in just two months to do research on Highland Fire. Having things to look forward to helps.

So does not denying what I’m feeling inside, and sharing it with all of you. I know that I risk losking some readers, who came along for the fun things, the weekly song … you know, everything that this blog was before. And that it will be again someday. But the truth is, if we’re judging our insides by other people’s outsides … maybe some of you need to know about my insides.

If you’re having a hard time, please know that you are loved, needed and valued … and that I see you and appreciate you.

State of the Author: Not Great

I’m still struggling, friends.

It’s true. I have good moments; for example, this past Saturday my husband and I had a grand day out at the Calaveras Celtic Festival. We hadn’t been in at least 20 years. It was smaller and less well-organized than we remembered, but we came home with some good foods from vendors, and also made a detour to Lockeford Meats & Sausage to pick up some freshly made sausages and a tri-tip.

But I struggle even more when I wake up in the dark, and of course yesterday we moved to daylight savings time. I have a cat whom I’m monitoring pending a vet trip, and I could barely get out of bed. The cat is hiding (I got some gabapentin into him, and he’s unhappy with me). I hope I find him sleeping comfortably and can get a vet appointment today).

I know that blogs like mine are supposed to be all about my process, or fun things … but I think it’s important to also acknowledge that living with chronic pain and two autoimmune diseases is hard on its own, combined with depression in the wake of losing a dear friend and a beloved pet, is my reality at this time.

I’m not a danger to myself or others; I’m just feeling extraordinarily low … and that has been partially reflected in how quiet my blog has been since my friend died unexpectedly on Christmas Eve. But, I do have my Scotland trip to look forward to, and I know I’ll get through this rough patch.

Thanks, as always, for being on the other side of this screen and reading my words. Please know that you are precious and important, and that I’m grateful for you.

State of the Author: Anhedonia

Hi, friends.

I’ve really been struggling for the past while, and decided to say something about it. I’ve been kind of … numb … since my friend passed. I haven’t been able to focus very well, so research and writing have been slow.

I have, however, been knitting. The above hat, cowl, and ear warmer are projects I made for myself. I reconnected with this former hobby while doing research for Highland Fire. The art of the Scottish gansey is disappearing, and I decided to try out some motifs … at which point I discovered that my long-abandoned hobby brought me joy. I’ve made hats for friends and family, and have several projects in the hopper.

I promise, I’m still working on the book. I’ve decided two characters will be knitters, and it fits in perfectly with the story.

Right now, I’m taking it easy mentally … and holding on to faith that all will be well again.

State of the Author: Depressed

Hi, all. Some day job things have me in something of a downward spiral. I know I’ll get through it; I always do. But that’s why, recent Disneyland trip and book awards notwithstanding, I’ve been a little more quiet than usual.

I still have a job, no worries; I’m literally the only one in my company who does what I do. But the team is being broken up and spread around, and it doesn’t feel very good.

This, too, shall pass. In the mean while, I’m still researching the Massacre at Glen Coe for the next book.

State of the Author: Sore

Wow. Trying to research a work-in-progress at the same time as I’m marketing a brand-new title is exhausting.

I spent Saturday at the Scottish Highland Gathering and Games, specifically because I wanted to interview members of Clans Campbell and Donald. I was looking for resource recommendations beyond what I already had on-hand or coming for Highland Fire, which will be set during the Glen Coe Massacre. I met some nice people, but as research it was kind of a bust. One person at the Clan Donald tent said “You seem to know more about it than I do.”

I did, however, hear some lovely music by Tempest and Michael Mullen, and see some delightful animals. Here’s a Belted Ayrshire cow, to serve as an example.

I walked. A lot. And I’m still feeling it today. Still, it was a grand day out and well worth the time (and subsequent pain). We hadn’t attended a Games in more than a decade (after being on the board of a local Scottish cultural society, where we made the circuit all year long, we burned out). We had a great day, and will be attending future games for the fun of it rather than working.