State of the Author: Angsty

A sampling of the Stablemates in my collection (Photo by the author)

I had an odd moment of existential angst yesterday. This is what I wrote on my personal Facebook page:

I tried to take a nap. But you know how sometimes your mind gets hold of something and won’t let go?

Today it was my model horse collection. I’m not selling any of them; they bring me tremendous joy. I’ve been collecting for nearly 50 years, and there are more than 500 of them.

So, what was I thinking? If I’m lucky, I have 30 years left on this planet … health problems and all. And there is no one to inherit this collection who will care about them at all.

It’s worth knowing that they were never “just plastic ponies” to me. They have names. Many of them were my childhood playmates. I even slept with them. I took them places with me. Three of the porcelain ones were irreparably broken in storage and I cried when I threw the pieces away after they were retrieved.

I hate the idea that someone’s just going to toss them when I’m gone. And that is why I didn’t get a nap.


What came from that post was an interesting discussion not only about wills and trusts, but about perhaps giving special pieces to special friends, or donating the entire collection to a horse- or animal-related charity as an auction fundraiser.

It wasn’t quite what I expected to have happen at all, and it gave me food for thought. That moment of existential angst became an opportunity to look at different ways that my collection might go on to make others happy.

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